When Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work.

If you’ve ever tried to think your way into calm or “be more positive,” and it sounded good in theory but there was still the pit of self-doubt in your stomach and you didn’t feel better no how much you tried, give yourself some grace.

Your nervous system was probably telling a stronger story than your thoughts. Positive affirmations can end up as a whisper next to stress signals coming from your body.

You can have all the mantras, all the sticky notes on your mirror, but if your nervous system is in high alert, your body isn’t buying it.

And when the body and mind are in that kind of tug-of-war, the body usually wins.

If we want to really take advantage of neuroplasticity, our brain’s ability to change, and swap less helpful thought habits for more supportive ones, we have to make sure our body is calm and relaxed first so those messages can stick.

Think of it like this.

Each time you have a thought, it forms a kind of groove in your brain, like a river carving a groove in the earth. The stronger that current and the longer it runs, the deeper the groove.

It’s the same with our thoughts and emotional reactions. The more intense they are and the longer we’ve had them, the deeper that groove becomes.

If stress or negative thoughts have been intense or repeated for a long time, that groove becomes your default because it’s the familiar route your system knows best. The brain keeps firing the same circuits and releasing the same stress chemicals, reinforcing the pattern.

Eventually, the body gets used to that chemistry and begins to expect it. You don’t even need a big trigger anymore. Your nervous system is already primed. It sends signals up to the brain that say, “This is how we feel today, anxious, on guard, rushed.” The brain then pulls up thoughts to match that state.

That’s what it looks like when the body is running the mind. You’re not choosing stress. Your nervous system is repeating what it knows.

And since most of the signals between the mind and body travel from the body up to the brain, it’s tough for thought alone to override them.

The good news is that those grooves aren’t permanent. Thanks to neuroplasticity, your brain and body can change. With small, repeated shifts in how you respond, both in your thoughts and in your body, you can begin nudging that river in a different direction and, over time, form a healthier route.

So instead of starting with “better thoughts” and trying to get your body to catch up, we start by sending your nervous system a different signal first. Then we choose a more helpful thought to go with it.

Here are three ways to calm your nervous system before you bring in new thoughts.

1. Have Your Own Back and Stretch Your Breath

Sit back in your chair or lean gently against a wall.

Let your ribs, shoulder blades, and maybe even your head make contact.

Instead of holding yourself forward, let yourself be supported.

Take a slow body scan down the back line of your body, starting from your skull down to your heels.

Now stretch your breath. No counting, just stretching.

Inhale slowly and imagine your breath stretching wide across your whole torso with your rib cage feeling broader and more spacious.

Let the exhale happen naturally, a little longer and easier, without forcing or timing it.

Think of each breath as a slow, stretchy expansion.

Take a few of these slow, stretched-out breaths in this supported position. No pressure. Just inviting your body to relax the shape it’s been holding.

2. Super Slow Shoulder Raise, Un-Bracing

Most of us don’t notice how much we’re holding in our shoulders until we consciously unbrace them (or have a massage).  And since they didn’t shoot up into your ears in one moment, we’re going to slowly pull them back down, so we give our brain a clear

This slow, deliberate movement gives your brain a clear signal that the tension pattern is changing, so your nervous system can register the shift instead of rushing past it.

Inhale very slowly as you lift your shoulders toward your ears.

Pause briefly at the top.

Exhale very slowly as you let your shoulders melt back down.

Repeat two to three times.

The key is to go very slowly to really feel it. 

3. Butterfly Hold and Gentle Tapping

Cross your arms over your chest so each hand rests on the opposite upper arm or shoulder.

Let your hands rest there with a firm but gentle pressure.

If it feels good, begin alternating soft taps, right hand, left hand, right, left. Keep the rhythm slow and steady.

Let the tapping be light and predictable, something your nervous system can orient to.

As you stay here, notice if anything shifts, your jaw, your breath, or that edgy feeling around your thoughts.

Cross-body contact and steady alternating taps engage both sides of the brain and give your nervous system a contained, predictable rhythm. This helps pull you out of that buzzy, scattered state and back into the present.

Remember, for us to access the parts of our brain that allow us to see new ways of thinking, to focus our attention where we want it, to think more positively, we need our nervous system to be in a relaxed state. 

Little by little, it will begin to become intuitive to you.